When In Fanfic Land
Author: M. Jade
Rating: PG
If you have any comments or questions, email me at jaderozegirl@yahoo.com
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Flames can and will be used to burn my yard waste, but all others are welcome
Disclaimers: When it comes to BtVS, I own nothing, comprende?
Distribution: If you already have any of my previous stories, you can have this, but otherwise ask, okay?  It's not hard to get my permission, I swear
Notes: My first real attempt at a sillyfic, so be gentle
Thanks: To Steph, for being the great betaing worrywort she is. Your help was greatly appreciated
More Notes are contained at the end of the fic

To all Giles fanfic writers,

It has come to my attention that there are some issues that must be discussed with the authors of various fanfiction stories. For some time, I have endured the general abuse of character that comes with being involved with fanfiction, but recent events have convinced me that I must make some things heard. It is one thing to deal with poor characterizations, deplorable dialogue, and ill thought out plots, but what has come to my notice is the, shall we say, varied love life that my fans have so graciously created.

Now I do realize that everyone is entitled to his or her own view about me and what I do, but at some point I have to say that enough is enough. At the last count, I have slept with Olivia, Jenny, Joyce, Buffy, Willow, Cordelia, Anya, Amy, Tara, Ethan, Angel, Wesley, Xander, Spike, Riley, Oz, and several other miscellaneous characters at some point. What the bloody hell do you people think this is, some type of orgy? I'm afraid that fanfiction is being reduced to that, and the next thing you know, someone will have to place me in a psych ward for nymphomania, along with my fellow cohorts. What am I supposed to be, some Superman of a whore? I think not. I'm not some randy schoolboy any more, no matter how much some of you would prefer I would be.

Now I am one who believes in artistic integrity, highly so, but I am at a loss here. It is one thing for Mr. Whedon to give me a sliver of a love life, but some authors seem to want to take on the other extreme. They may have the best of intention, or possibly not, but I will not be ignored. I can see where one may feel that Joss's vision is lacking, and I completely concur, but I feel it necessary to put my foot down. I will not take this abuse any longer, and I am here by on strike. I will not participate in any more of these game and charades, so be prepared to write some Giles-less fiction. Just see if you can do it.

When every thing settles down and one ship is agreed upon, I will gladly take my part in your mini soap operas. I don't even care if Joss agrees or not, as long as there is some stability in the whole bloody mess. I just can't stand for being Buffy's plaything one night and Cordelia's the next. I may adore my fellow Whedonites, but come on. I have neither the strength nor the stamina to go along with it any further. I can no longer afford to leave it in the hands of some gits who think they can do this to me in the name of entertainment.

Not that Mr. Whedon himself has been any kinder. He may be my all-mighty boss, but he does have his fair share of explaining to do. Who the bloody hell thought up Olivia? Some poor excuse for a girlfriend! I can count the episodes she was in on one hand, and what do we have for a back-story? A bloody marvelous nothing, or as close to it as you can come. It was bad enough when he arbitrarily killed off Jenny the way he did, but he could at least throw a poor chap a bone. And Joyce? Just some bloody excuse for snickering and a grab at ratings. It was nothing more than a glorified stunt if you ask me, but of course, Joss did not.

So I am at a loss on how to come to a happy medium. If the fans can not come to their own decision, then I may be forced to pick which ship I chose to work for. If it comes to that, there will be no questions asked I promise you. Actually…Why should I even let some one else pick the ship for me? I'm the one doing most of the bloody work, so shouldn't I have a say in what I do?

Then let me spell it out for you. My choice of ship is…Willow. She's truly the finest of all the Scoobies, and the most logical match. Such a mix of passion, intelligence, and innocence. She could be a challenge worthy of the great romantic fiction the fans seem to crave. And that hair…well, let's just say I've always wanted a rewrite of the stair roll scene to include running my fingers through it and a hug while I was at it, but Joss specifically vetoed the idea. So would all W/G writers step forward, and all others please step back and take in the show? If we play our cards right, we may even convert the stalwart Joss to our camp.

I hope this strike doesn't seem too harsh, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I do believe that I am in need for a long overdue vacation. This seemed the most logical venue to make my voice heard. I shall be back soon, doing all things W/G. I do not expect to convert everyone, but I do hope that my wishes are taken into account. Thank you.


Rupert Giles


Author's Note: The comments made in this fic were not intended to single out or be directed to any fic or author in particular. They are general comments and observations; therefore, no specific names are mentioned. If what I said has offended anyone, I do apologize. Also, this fic was not intended to make any other ships seems less valid. The piece was strictly meant to be a W/G, pure and simple. I myself have written for other ships, so please take this in the spirit in which it was intended: as just a bit of humorous, silly Giles fun.


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