Wrapped Up in Books
Author: Gwynnega
Rating: 18
Summary: In an AU S3, Willow and Giles continue their affair.
Author Notes: The title is from a song by Belle & Sebastian.
Disclaimer: This stuff isn't mine.
1
"What do you think?" She stood in the doorway.
Giles stared, his mouth open, his hand on the door. He didn't even move aside to let her in. Did she look like a freak or something?
"Giles, can I come in?"
A smile burst across his face. "Willow, you look so beautiful." He drew her close and kissed her.
She was happy. Evidently this was a good haircut.
"But why did you do this the day before school starts?" he murmured, closing the door. "However am I going to keep my hands off you in public?"
He always said the nicest things. Then he was kissing her again, his mouth soft and hard and delicious. A few minutes later they were in his bed, and she was under him. Definitely a good haircut.
"What would you like for dinner?" he asked, after they'd made love and napped and made love some more.
"Pizza. Or..." She nuzzled his nipple. She felt the soft skin crinkle and harden as she swiped her tongue back and forth across it. She took it in her mouth. He groaned, and she grinned up at him.
He gave an exhausted laugh and stroked her newly-shorn hair. "Don't get me started again, or we'll never make it to patrol." They were supposed to meet Xander and Oz later.
"We'll just have to come back here after patrol." She pressed her face against his chest and sighed happily.
"You're insatiable."
She worked her way up to his neck, bestowing light kisses. "You make me that way."
"But don't you want to go home early, what with tomorrow being your first day back at school?"
" Our first day back - and I'll be too excited to sleep." She wriggled against him. "I wonder what my first homework assignment will be?"
He chuckled. "Pizza, then." He stroked her back. "I wish I could take you out to dinner."
"Really? Well, that's something to look forward to." She imagined them holding hands across some candlelit table, in full view of waiters and other diners. There were a lot of things to look forward to, once her senior year was over. "I'm gonna be a senior! I feel so grownup and sophisticated."
He smiled indulgently. "If you're grownup and sophisticated, I must be geriatric."
She gave his shoulder a little slap. "Will you stop saying that? You're not old. You're perfect." She hugged him tight - his wonderful naked body, so warm and strong. "I wish I could tell you so you'd really understand, Giles."
That seemed to surprise him. "My love," he whispered. "You make me so happy."
Then she thought of something. She almost didn't want to say it. "Do you think Buffy knows school's starting tomorrow?"
His smile faded. "I don't know, sweetheart."
***
It never got easier to take Willow home to her parents' house. It felt like a wrenching, felt wrong. And when Giles returned home, it was always difficult to fall asleep, alone in the bed they had just shared. But in the morning, this morning, it was the first day of school, and he felt exceedingly cheerful, knowing he would see her there. It made it easy, delightful even, to get out of bed. In the shower he caught himself smiling. Despite his worries over Buffy, he felt happy. Perhaps that made him a terrible Watcher, but there it was.
Sure enough, soon he was "helping Willow find her books" in the stacks. Well, actually she was accumulating books, but he couldn't help but kiss her - she looked so beautiful, so vibrant. And her skirt was awfully short, which he suspected was entirely for his benefit (though, paired with sneakers, the overall effect was innocent rather than provocative, which only seemed to provoke him the more). But the library was crowded, doubtless the only day of the school year it would be, so he had to content himself with a few furtive kisses, and to briefly suck her lower lip. She never ceased to appear delighted and just a trace surprised that he wanted her.
She looked so happy with her armload of books. She chattered about her new classes as he scanned the volumes for her.
"I think you're going to love that one," he said, tapping the George Eliot at the top of the stack. Their hands touched, and he had the urge to vault over the check-out counter and take her in his arms in front of all the other students. She simply got more adorable by the day. She wore a purple hat atop her sleek new haircut. It took a great deal of self control for him not to reach out and touch her hair.
Later that day, his heart sank when he saw Oz walking down the hall. It turned out the boy had been left back - which was odd, as he was an intelligent lad. Only then did Giles realize how much he'd looked forward to Oz being gone from the high school - although honestly he liked Oz, and felt for his predicament. Besides, Oz had kept their secret for a long time. But Giles could never forget that he had been the other Willow's boyfriend. And he could see that his Willow liked Oz. She had a soft little smile for Oz that was different from the way she looked at him. Perhaps he imagined it. He was a jealous man, though he suspected it would be different if they were a more public couple - or, for that matter, if he weren't going out of town all the time looking for Buffy.
Her face fell every time he had to leave town. And while he was away, she patrolled with Xander, with Oz. Not only did he have to worry about her safety, which he did constantly, but he got to think about her spending evenings with the boy she used to love and the boy she dated in an alternate reality.
It wasn't that he didn't trust her - he did. And whenever she kissed him, whenever they made love, whenever she so much as looked at him or said his name, she made it abundantly clear he was the only man in the world as far as she was concerned. But there were things he couldn't give her - a normal high school romance, eating lunch together in the cafeteria, kissing at the lockers, going to dances. Going on dates. Surely she wanted those things, as much as Buffy had once wanted to be a cheerleader. Sometimes Giles felt as though he'd taken that normal life not only from his Slayer, but from Willow as well.
Sometimes he feared that Willow would later - or perhaps not so much later - feel he'd taken her youth from her, stolen the years that should have been spent in more teenage pursuits. But any time he suggested such a thing, she looked at him as though he were adorably insane. "You think I could be this happy going to a school dance? You think I could love anybody the way I love you?"
***
"I have a lead," he said. She and Xander were doing homework at the table. "A friend in Oakland has a sketchy report of a young girl fending off a group of vampires about a week ago. There's a plane out in about an hour."
Her face fell, and Xander saw. Giles hated that Xander should see her unhappy because of something he had said. It had taken a long time for him to accept their relationship.
"Look, I don't mean to poop the party here," Xander said, "it's just, you get your hopes all up, and then it's just a big fat raspberry, and I feel bad."
"But it's good that you're looking," Willow said. "You shouldn't give up." She tried to smile. Then she got to her feet and followed him into his office. He shut the door, and she was in his arms. "It's the first day of school," she said. "I wish you didn't have to go." She hugged him hard.
"Oh, I love you," he said, and kissed her. "I'll be home as soon as I can."
"Maybe with Buffy, this time." He loved her for trying to sound hopeful. "Take care of yourself, Giles. You said there might be vampires."
"And you be careful, especially if you go patrolling. If anything should happen to you..." His voice shook.
She touched his jaw. "You'd be cranky?" She smiled.
"Entirely." He kissed her again, and she clung to him.
Christ, it was hard to leave her, even for a day.
***
2
"Hey guys," Buffy said with a little smile. Anger flared in Willow, where there should have been only gladness and relief.
They were all sprawled on the pavement looking up at her, who'd barely broken a sweat dusting the vamp that the rest of them combined couldn't slay.
"Welcome home, Buffy," Giles said.
They all went back to his place. It was weird to have everyone there - Buffy, Xander, Cordelia, Oz. Willow was used to it being their private place. She felt kind of naked sitting next to Giles on the sofa, surrounded by the rest of them, when the sofa was one of the places where she and Giles hugged and kissed and had sex. And it was weird having Buffy back.
"I got in a few hours ago, but I wanted to go see my mom first."
"How did you find her?" Giles asked.
"Well, I pretty much remembered the address."
"I mean...how are things between you?" The teakettle had begun to whistle, and he got up and went into the kitchen. Willow followed, and found him leaning against the cupboard, glasses off, tears in his eyes. She put her arm around him. "You okay, sweetie?"
He was trying to get hold of himself. "I'm fine, darling," he whispered. "It's just that I'm..."
"Relieved? Maybe a little bit overwrought?"
He nodded and put his arms around her.
"I know how hard this has been on you," she said.
He smiled that tightly-stretched smile of pain she knew all too well. "It's been difficult for you, as well." He kissed her. "But just think, I won't have to go away again. She's home."
They brought out the teapot and cups and some cookies, and when Willow looked at Buffy, there was that anger again. She'd thought she'd be so happy to have her back - because she'd missed her, and because Giles wouldn't have to go out of town and wouldn't be so worried. She was glad about all that, but she felt irritated, pettily irritated. Buffy had breezed back into town when it suited her, and now everything was supposed to be fine, and they were all supposed to take her back like she'd never left.
***
The next day Willow went back to Giles's. It was still too early in the semester for her to credibly play the "all night study session" card, so she hadn't been able to spend the night since school started. They were sitting on the sofa, his arms around her, while they listened to some old record he liked by someone named Nina Simone. "This is nice," she said.
"The music?" he murmured.
"The music, and everything..."
"Aren't you supposed to meet Buffy? Go shopping with her?"
She made a grumbly sound against his chest. "I'd rather stay here with you. Besides, I have homework." She'd brought her books, even though she was supposed to meet Buffy. Suddenly she realized she had no intention of going.
He peered at her. "You know I'd love for you to stay, but if you and Buffy have plans..."
"Look, you're her Watcher, but this is between her and me." They both jumped a little at the harshness of her tone. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...it's just hard to adjust to her being back. I have all these feelings swirling around inside."
"I understand." He kissed her. "Perhaps it'll just take a bit of time for things to get back to normal."
"Or what passes for normal." They kissed again, and again. Awhile later, their clothes were strewn around the floor and the coffee table, and Nina Simone had long finished singing. When they looked at the time, it was already an hour after she was supposed to meet Buffy. She phoned Buffy's mom and told her she'd been held up. Buffy's mom invited her to dinner the next night, and said she was inviting all of them. Sure enough, after she hung up, the phone rang again, and Giles picked it up.
"Hello, Joyce...tomorrow night? Yes, that would be fine..."
After he hung up the phone, Giles scrutinized her again. "I know I'm not exactly blameless here," he said, "but this isn't like you. Canceling on Buffy."
"I know. I am glad she's back, it's just...I don't know." She settled back against him on the sofa. They were still naked, a state that didn't exactly lend itself to detailed analysis of one's motivations. "Maybe I should try doing my homework naked."
He chuckled. "I don't think I'd let you get much done."
She grinned. "Okay, time for clothes."
He didn't mention Buffy again that afternoon. She did her homework, and he sat beside her and read some Watchery texts. But she kept thinking about Buffy. She was her best friend. But Willow had learned to get along without her. She'd had to.
***
The next day, Buffy was still kicked out of school, and that was almost a relief - which made Willow feel even lousier. They were in the library with a dead-but-alive kitty in a cage, talking about the welcome home dinner. Oz talked about gatherings, shindigs, and hootenannys, and the next thing Willow knew, she'd asked Oz if the Dingoes could play at the party.
"Maybe something a little more intimate," Giles said. "Buffy has just got home. I'm sure she's still feeling a little disoriented." She could tell Giles wasn't thrilled at the prospect of Oz's band playing. For one thing, it really wasn't his kind of music - and besides, he still had some weird jealousy towards Oz, which she found flattering albeit unnecessary. But the idea of an intimate gathering with Buffy just made her feel uncomfortable.
"All the more reason to make her feel welcome," she said. "And a big party says, 'Welcome, Buffy.'"
His brow crinkled as he looked at her, and she could tell she hadn't fooled him one bit. Nonetheless, he went along with the hootenanny.
***
It wasn't particularly fun at the Summers house, uncomfortably thronged with kids. The Dingoes were loud, and she liked them okay, though Giles's musical tastes had started to rub off on her. Buffy tried to talk to her over the music, and Willow shut her down, then felt bad when she walked away.
Giles still hadn't shown up, and besides, it wasn't like they could be together together in public the way Xander and Cordelia were, making out in the middle of the living room.
"Eeeww," Dawn said. The youngest Summers kept looking dolefully over at them, while almost getting knocked over by carousing teens. Willow knew she had a crush on Xander, and could certainly feel her pain.
"Having fun, Dawnie?" she asked.
"It's an okay party. But I don't think Buffy deserves a party. Me and Mom got along just fine without her royal presence. And I don't believe any of that stuff I heard her tell Mom about being a Slayer. That's like make believe world or something."
Just then Buffy walked up again, and Dawn literally turned her little nose up and marched off. Buffy motioned to Willow that they should go someplace quieter, and Willow let herself be led. "Is everything okay? You seem to be avoiding me, in the one-on-one sense."
"This isn't avoiding," Willow said. "See? Here you are, here I am."
After Buffy walked away, Willow couldn't stop picturing her hurt look. Awhile later she went looking for her.
She found her in her room, packing her bag. "You're leaving again?"
"It's not like anyone will mind."
"Are you kidding? Do you have any idea what you put us through? What you put Giles through? You are not putting him through that again!"
Buffy put her hands on her hips. "What, you speak for Giles now?"
"He would never say it - but somebody has to. Do you have any idea how worried he was? How many times he went out of town on ridiculously slim leads looking for you?"
"Oh, I see - this is about you being inconvenienced!"
The anger turned to a roaring in her head. "Inconvenienced?"
"I'm so sorry you had to do without Giles for a few hours. I'm sorry I had to leave, but you don't know what I was going through."
Willow figured it was about losing Angel. She didn't ever want to know what that felt like. It was what she feared most, what with the danger they faced all the time. "Well, maybe I don't need to understand. Maybe I just need you to talk to me."
"How could I talk to you when you were avoiding me?"
"This isn't easy, Buffy! I know you're going through stuff, but so am I."
"I know that you were worried about me."
God, sometimes Buffy really thought it was all about her. Was it because she was the Slayer? "I don't just mean that. I'm dating, I'm having serious dating with an older man, and I'm studying witchcraft and killing vampires. I really needed to talk to you about all this scary life stuff."
She was trying not to cry. So was Buffy.
"You have Giles for that."
"I know...but you were my best friend."
Buffy's mom came in and saw the bag on the bed, and all hell broke loose - first with more arguing downstairs, and then a more literal hell with a bunch of zombies.
She didn't realize Giles had finally arrived until it was over. "Are you all right?" he asked her. She nodded, but they couldn't hug because Buffy's mom was there.
But Willow hugged Buffy, and everything seemed better.
***
"So," Buffy said at the Espresso Pump, "things are good between you and Giles?"
Willow grinned. "Really good. Really, really good. It's just...I'm greedy. I wanna be with him all the time. I want everyone to know about us. It's so hard to wait."
Buffy's face clouded - but only a bit.
"I'm sorry, Buffy. I have no right to complain, when you've been through so much, with Angel and all."
Buffy shook her head. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. With the witchcraft and everything."
"I'm glad you're here now." It felt good to forgive. Then they called each other a lot of names - harpy and delinquent and tramp and witch and freak. That was fun.
She was happy to be called tramp and witch. She was happy her friend was home.
***
3
He was an adept liar. He observed that about himself. Well, he had to lie everyday to the outside world, about being Buffy's Watcher, about being Willow's lover. But now he'd just lied to them both. Parading various herbs on the library counter, talking about a non-existent binding spell. Buffy wasn't terribly forthcoming about the particulars of her defeating Angel. Then she rushed off to take a makeup exam.
It was wonderful Buffy was back at school and that things were returning to some semblance of normalcy. But he'd just lied to Willow, albeit for a good cause, and here she was smiling at him like he was the most wonderful being in the world. "Mmm, sage," she said. "I love that smell." She sniffed the bundle of sage happily, then lifted it to his nose so he could take a whiff. "And marnox root. You know, a smidge of this, mixed with a virgin's saliva, does something I know nothing about. For obvious reasons."
He grinned and leaned across the counter to give her a quick kiss. "Lucky for me."
"But Giles, don't you think I can help with the binding spell? I'm doing pretty good with my spells, aside from that little incident of burning a hole in my bedspread when I turned ice into fire."
He took her hand. "It isn't that - although I do hope you're not taking on too much too soon with the magicks."
"I'm not. I won't. I just really think I can help. I want to."
He cleared his throat. "The truth of it is, Willow...there is no spell." Ah, he felt better already.
"No spell? I don't understand. You lied to me?" Her smile was entirely gone. So much for feeling better.
"I lied to Buffy, and you happened to be there. You see, I have my suspicions that Buffy isn't telling us everything about the night she killed Angel. From what you've told me, I think it's likely your spell may have worked."
She stared up at him. "Really? But that's...wow." Her expression turned pensive again. "But Giles, I'm still back at the part where you lied to me."
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I certainly planned to tell you eventually. It's just that you're a terrible liar, and I feared if you knew the truth, Buffy might find out. Now, however, I'm going to ask you to keep quiet, at least for the time being."
"You want me to lie to Buffy?" She drew herself up indignantly. "And what do you mean I'm a terrible liar? I'm a lying expert! I kept us a secret from Buffy and Xander for months. I'm still keeping us a secret from my parents and almost everyone else. I think that makes me pretty stealthy."
He decided not to point out that she was nearly shouting about how stealthy she was. Luckily the library was, as usual, deserted. "I stand corrected. But sometimes you do have a tendency to laugh nervously and make adorable faces when you're hiding something."
"Adorable, huh?" A grudging smile turned up the corners of her mouth. "It is true I don't like to lie to Buffy. But if you think this'll help her, then I'm in. And I promise I won't laugh nervously or make faces, adorable or otherwise."
"Thank you."
"Do you really think my spell worked?" She looked a bit dizzy at the prospect.
"Let's wait and see what we can find out." He wasn't quite ready for her to have access to that much power. He knew what that kind of power could do. He wanted to keep her safe, and yet he didn't want to deny her what the other Willow had, if she wanted it. But it frightened him. This was so much simpler - his darling girl smelling sage and burning bedspreads.
"Sweetie, you look worried." She put her hand on his. "I won't go too fast. I promise."
She had taken to calling him sweetie sometime over the summer. No one had ever called him that before, and it made him feel unutterably cherished and comforted. "There - you see? I can't keep any secrets from you. You know me so well."
She grinned. "And don't you forget it, Mister."
***
"If I'd known they came that young and cute, I'd have requested a transfer."
Willow had liked Faith until that moment. Now she saw her as a threat. A sexy, skanky threat with red leather pants and a tattoo.
Giles gave a nervous laugh and glanced at Willow. Buffy and Xander looked at her too. And Giles thought she was bad at keeping secrets.
Then Buffy jumped in helpfully: "Giles is spoken for! I mean...speaks four languages. At least."
"That's cool," Faith said. "I was never big with the book learnin'."
Yeah, Willow thought - she's big with wrestling alligators in the nude. Or something like that. Look at the way Xander's fawning over her! Well, she can't have Giles.
She glared at Giles. She'd seen the flattered look on his face when Faith made that "young and cute" comment. Maybe he liked the red leather and tattoo stuff. After all, he had a tattoo. She looked dolefully down at her bluish-gray stockings and orange sneakers. Maybe she should dress all sexy like Faith.
Giles hurriedly brandished a newspaper. "Look, two people have disappeared from the Sunset Ridge District." He handed Buffy the paper, and they talked about patrolling - Buffy and Faith together. Maybe Faith could focus on slaying vamps and leave her boyfriend alone.
"Hey, Will," Buffy said, "I have that health makeup exam. I could use a little coaching."
"Fine," Willow said. "But I need to talk to Giles first. I'll be out in a minute." She was so grumpy, she forgot to add the usual research/cross-referencing alibi.
Buffy turned to Faith. "She needs to talk to Giles about...research."
Willow couldn't help but grin. Buffy had come a long way since she'd first found out they were a couple.
"Yes," Giles said. "Willow helps me out a great deal with research. She's very dedicated."
"Oh, she's dedicated, all right," Xander said, and Buffy socked him in the arm. "Ow..."
" We will talk weapons," Faith called back to Giles as they all left. Damn her.
Giles sat on the edge of the table. "This new girl seems to have a lot of zest." She scowled at him. Zest? Why didn't he just say she was hot and get it over with? "And no, dearest. I'm not even slightly tempted."
She took a step towards him. "Not even slightly?"
"No." He smiled. "Surely you know by now that you're all I want."
"Well, when you put it that way..."
"Are you feeling better now?" he asked.
"Okay, maybe I'm being silly. It's just, I wanted to tell her: Hey, hands off! But I guess we better not tell her about us. She probably won't even be here that long - just until her Watcher gets back from that retreat." His face fell. "Giles, are you disappointed you weren't invited to the retreat?"
"Not really. The last thing I want to do is leave town again, without you." His smile made her feel warm all over. "Do you know what I'd rather do? Why don't you come over tonight. I'll make us dinner."
"Really? What are you going to make?" He usually heated up soup, made sandwiches, got takeout Chinese or had pizza delivered. That was all fine with her.
"I was thinking of pasta and a bottle of wine."
She let her hand graze his knee - though she would've much preferred to push him down on the table and have her way with him. "You want to ply me with alcohol?" She grinned. She didn't drink, but she knew he liked to. Maybe she'd have a few sips.
"Somehow I think serving an underage girl a glass of wine is the least of my transgressions." The way he was eyeing her, she really wished she didn't have to go help Buffy with her exam.
When Willow left the library, she found Faith hitting on Scott Hope by the drinking fountain, while Buffy, Xander and Cordy looked on. "Bitch," she murmured to Buffy.
"You said it, not me," Buffy said. "I have to be nice to her - Slayer solidarity and all that."
"Makes me glad I'm not a Slayer."
***
"The Council has approved our request," Giles told her and Buffy in the library. "Faith is to stay here indefinitely. I'm to look after you both until a new Watcher is assigned." That didn't exactly make Willow feel like doing cartwheels, though she had to admit, Faith had been through a lot. It scared her, too, that Faith's Watcher had been killed. She couldn't bear to think of anything happening to Giles.
Then Buffy said something that took her mind off everything else. "Angel was cured. Your spell worked at the last minute, Will."
There was no danger of Willow laughing, nervously or otherwise, or making adorable faces. In fact, she pretty much forgot all about that fake binding spell as Buffy told them how she'd had to kill Angel, even though he had his soul back.
"I'm sorry," Willow said.
"It's okay. I've been holding onto that for so long. Felt good to get it out."
After Buffy had gone, Willow said, "You were right, Giles. Poor Buffy." All of a sudden she wasn't breathing so well. "The spell worked. That's kinda scary."
He walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "It's an advanced spell. You should be very proud."
"I'd be a whole lot prouder if I'd managed to reensoul Angel before Buffy had to kill him."
"Granted. It's still quite an accomplishment."
"You wish I wouldn't do the magicks, don't you?" Suddenly she did make with the nervous laughter. "Because right now, I can see your point."
He knelt by her chair. "Make no mistake, it can be a perilous road. It was for me, and I never had anywhere near your power. But I believe you're up to the challenge. Whatever you decide, I'll help you any way I can."
She felt vertiginous, but his gaze steadied her. "All I know is, where magic is concerned, I wanna go really slow."
"That seems wise." He got to his feet.
"And now that Faith is staying in town, and you're going to be her Watcher, temporarily anyway, and she thinks you're all young and cute..."
"Willow, I'm still not the least bit tempted."
If she could reensoul Angel, maybe she could learn not to be so insecure. "Thanks for being patient with my rampant jealousy."
"It's all right. After all, I'm jealous of every boy who looks at you."
"You are? But Giles, you're the only guy who looks at me."
He shook his head and smiled. "Darling, that's what you think."
When he looked at her like that, she had to be kissing him. "I think I need some...research," she said. "Right now." She took his hand and led him into the stacks.
As they kissed, everything felt so fraught, so important. Buffy had lost Angel, and Faith's Watcher had been killed. How could she be concerned with petty jealousies in the face of such things? They were together, that was what mattered.
He was already hard, grinding against her. He pulled off his jacket, loosened his tie, then his arms were around her again. It wasn't enough. She unzipped him and heard his harsh intake of breath. A minute later her pants were down around her ankles and he was fucking her against the bookcases. Her legs felt cold and exposed, and the fear of discovery made her tense. And yet she loved doing this so near to everyone who didn't know about them.
Willow imagined that Faith saw them together, that she saw Giles driving into her, saw the look on his face that said she was the only one. She imagined Faith telling the story of it, like she'd told about the alligators: They were goin' at it right there in the library! Damn, it was hot. Woulda liked to get some of that action, but I knew it wasn't meant to be. He was just too into her...in more ways than one.
He rocked into her again and again. "I love you, Willow," he whispered hoarsely.
"Giles, I love you..." Someday they'd all know how much he loved her.
***
4
"You kept the costume? You kept the costume?"
They were spending Halloween night alone together, avoiding the holiday as best they could, considering the way it had turned out last year. But she'd thought she might have a little dress-up fun with him.
"Why are you all upset? I've never worn it again, Giles. And anyway, Ethan Rayne isn't anywhere around, and the costume doesn't do its magic trick without that Janus statue thingy, right?"
"Presumably." His jaw looked all tense. She scooted closer to him on the sofa and stroked his thigh.
"Anyway, it's not like it's a ghost costume. The worst that could happen is I'd turn into some slutty vixen." Giles's mouth opened slightly and stayed that way. She giggled. "Trying to think of a down side now?"
"I still don't understand why you kept the outfit."
"It was hard for me to be overtly sexy back then. That's why I wore the ghost costume over it. But everyone ended up seeing me in the sexy costume, and the world didn't end. I mean, the world did almost end, but not because of my outfit. You know?"
He chuckled. "I think so."
"But I thought this year I could put it on for you only. I thought you might like it."
"You thought right."
She changed in the bathroom, so Giles would get the full effect of her transformation into Leather-skirted Midriff-baring Cleavage Girl. A year ago, of course, she'd worn the outfit hoping Xander would notice her. Or at any rate, that had been the plan, but she'd chickened out. Military Guy Xander didn't seem to notice her sexy outfit - although she supposed it was overshadowed by her being able to walk through him and stuff.
Back then Xander had seemed so close in a best friend way, yet unattainable in that other way. She'd thought he might eventually turn and see her - even though with each passing month it seemed more unlikely, as he chased preying mantis women and Inca mummy girls and Buffy, and Buffy, and Buffy.
Her feelings for Giles had been different. There had been no pain like she'd felt about Xander, because she assumed she didn't have a shot with Giles. So she contented herself with fantasies, and with the way he touched her from time to time, usually in the midst of danger. She contented herself with his respect for her, with how indispensable she was to him, even without Slayer powers.
When Giles told her he loved her, everything changed irrevocably. Soon she couldn't remember why she'd pined after Xander. It felt as if she'd always loved Giles only.
Even though he'd seen her naked a zillion times, this outfit, all low-cut and revealy, made her feel self-conscious. Maybe wearing the outfit again brought her back to who she'd been a year ago, before Giles loved her.
When she marched into the living room, he couldn't take his eyes off her. It made her feel powerful and keyed-up. "Happy Halloween," she said.
"Come here," he said from the sofa.
"First, tell me: do I look better in this outfit now than when you saw me in it before?"
He thought a moment. "Willow, I suspect there's no correct answer to that question. Although I do prefer you corporeal."
"What I mean is...did you think I looked good last year? I know it was before you were in love with me..."
He smiled. "You looked beautiful, Willow. You're even more beautiful now."
She walked towards him. "You were attracted to me then, when I wore this outfit?"
He reached up and grasped her waist. He kissed her bare stomach, ran his tongue along it as she gasped and giggled. He pulled her down on the couch and kissed her. He kept running his hands over her belly, her breasts, her stocking-clad legs. Her whole body felt heavy with wanting him.
"Tell me," she whispered, kissing his neck. "Were you attracted to me then?"
He pushed her down on her back. "Yes," he breathed into her ear - and both of them gave a little start.
"Really?" He looked as surprised as she felt. "You wanted to touch me, back then - I mean, aside from the fact I was incorporeal?"
He kissed her again and again. "Willow...I didn't want to admit it to myself..."
"You wanted me before the older Willow came here?"
"Yes...yes..." He was thrusting against her. She didn't know if he meant it or if he was simply caught up in the moment. She guessed it didn't matter - she knew that right now he believed it.
She squirmed beneath him. He lifted her skirt, and she spread her legs. His hand slid between them.
Her heart was pounding. "Did you want to do this, Giles?"
"Yes...ah, you're wet." He rubbed her roughly, then dug his fingers into the crotch of her stockings and ripped them. They tore loudly, and she gave a cry. "You were so gorgeous when you walked through that wall." He gave a laugh and unzipped himself. He pulled her panties to one side. "Afterwards I thought it a good thing you'd been a ghost. Otherwise I might've been tempted to do this ." He thrust inside her. She moaned. She was already close to coming. She thought she could come from his words alone.
"You really wanted me, before?" She wrapped her legs around him, costume boots and all. "Because I always wanted you, Giles. Always."
"I always wanted you, Willow..." He fucked her with long, hard strokes. She rose up to meet his thrusts, and it was just right. She was almost there. "God help me, I always did..."
"Oh god, Giles..." The girl she was a year ago, unloved, unwanted, was coming too, and Giles was fucking her.
"Always," he muttered, moving faster. "Always..." She was still contracting around his cock when he gave a shout and arched over her.
"You know," she said as they lay together breathing heavily, "it got me so excited, what you said. It's okay if it wasn't strictly true."
He touched her face. "You think I only said those things because we were...in the midst of it?"
"Did you?" She found herself holding her breath - it meant more to her than she wanted to admit.
"I was attracted to you last year, when you wore the costume." He rested his hand on her belly. It felt so warm and nice. "It disquieted me. Perhaps more than your being a ghost did."
She hugged him. "That's good to know. I mean, not that it freaked you out...but that you thought of me that way." It made her giddy, knowing he'd found her attractive before the older Willow showed up.
"And before that? Willow, understand...I can't remember what it was like not to want you. I think about you, before...like the first time you saved my life. Do you remember?"
"Pretty hard to forget. The Harvest...that seems so long ago. I remember thinking that was the only time we'd ever have to fight vampires."
"I'll never forget how brave you were. You yelled, 'Get off of him' and threw the holy water. You were so fierce." He stroked her hair. When he looked at her so adoringly, it was hard to remember she had ever felt alone or unloved.
"I couldn't let her hurt you, Giles."
He gave her a long, languorous kiss. "And now when I remember it, it's all mixed up with my love for you. I can't imagine not feeling that way then as well."
"That's how I feel too. Although I had feelings for you, right from the start. Big-time feelings. I thought you were so smart, and so handsome. I mean, you are." She smiled. "Now aren't you glad I kept the costume?"
His eyebrows did that rueful crinkle thing she liked so much. "I'd be lying if I said otherwise."
She studied his face. "It wasn't just the magic part that bothered you, was it? It was that the costume came from him - from Ethan Rayne."
He sat up with a heavy sigh. She sat up too, and waited for him to answer. "You're quite right. And there's something I should tell you. When we were younger, Ethan and I...we..."
"You slept together," she murmured.
His eyes widened. "How did you - "
"When I researched the whole Eyghon thing, the books talked about bacchanals and orgies. I put two and two together."
"And that doesn't bother you?" He brought his face close to hers and scrutinized her.
She kissed him softly. "I don't like to imagine you with anyone but me. But then again, I've been the beneficiary of your considerable experience." He smiled the wonderful relaxed smile she loved to elicit. "I hope you don't wish I were more experienced too, Giles."
"God, no." Well, she hadn't expected that reaction. "What I mean is, you're a wonderful lover...you're wearing me out! But it's difficult enough knowing Xander was your first love, without you having been actually involved with him."
It made her happy that she wasn't the only jealous one. "You're my first love, Giles. That was just a crush, one-sided. It wasn't real, not like this." It didn't feel like jealousy, only curiosity, a desire to know him even better, that made her ask, "But you and Ethan...?"
He considered her question. "He was important to me," he said finally. "But we brought out the worst in each other."
That satisfied her, and really, it explained a lot. "Not like us."
He kissed her. "No, dearest. Not like us."
***
5
"I think we should get a limo," Cordelia said.
"A big, expensive limo?" Xander asked.
Willow sighed and took a sip of her soda.
"Oh, that's right," Cordy said. "It must be a drag for you. Our last Homecoming Dance, and you can't bring a date."
"Well, Giles'll be there. We just can't dance or act like a couple or..." She sighed again and put her head in her hands on the bar.
"There, there, Will," Buffy said, patting her shoulder. "If it makes you feel any better, I might not go to the dance at all."
Willow cocked her head and looked up at Buffy. "Why wouldn't you go? You already have your tickets. I mean, unless you don't have a..." She started to say "date," then saw Buffy's new honey Scott Hope, and mangled the word the best she could, " day or two to think about it."
"What's going on here?" Cordy asked. "Did Scott not ask her to the Homecoming Dance yet?"
Then Scott did ask her, which was good, because Willow wanted Buffy to get past her grief over Angel and have a normal dating life, even if she couldn't have a normal dating life. She saw Oz walking through the Bronze, and wondered briefly what it would be like to date a boy her age and be able to do all that normal dating stuff.
Oz, of course, wasn't exactly baggage-free. Only the other week they'd feared he might've gotten out of his cage during the full moon and killed a couple of people. Then they'd had to shoot Oz with the tranquilizer gun, and Buffy accidentally shot Giles with the tranquilizer gun, poor baby. Even though it turned out Oz hadn't killed anyone, and even though she liked Oz, the werewolf thing did seem like a whole lot of trouble. All that aside, Willow didn't want to go to the dance with Oz or anybody in the world but Giles.
***
Even if they couldn't go to the dance as a couple, they'd both be there, and at least she could get all dolled up and he'd see her in her finery. "You have to help me pick out an outfit," she told Xander after they took their yearbook pictures. "I wanna wow a certain English guy."
Xander made only a slight grimace at the concept. "No problem. Although you could wear a potato sack and he'd be transfixed."
***
Maybe it wasn't the sort of thing she and Xander should have done together - but heck, they'd been friends forever, and she wanted the male perspective. Sure, Giles seemed to find her irresistible no matter what she wore (and anyway he preferred her naked), but this was her Homecoming Dance, and she wanted to wear something special.
While she changed behind the screen, they chatted about how that jerk Scott Hope had dumped Buffy and left her in the lurch for the dance, and how Buffy and Cordy were feuding over who was going to be Homecoming Queen. But every time she modeled an outfit, he deemed it "nice," and that was getting annoying. Clearly he would never find her beautiful and sexy the way Giles did, apparently because they were friends - or so she'd once heard him tell Buffy, back before she and Giles got together. It really hurt at the time. Now she just thought it was pretty stupid of Xander. He was her oldest friend, but sometimes he bugged her.
She stepped out from behind the screen in her black sleeveless dress. "I know," she said. "'Nice.'"
Xander had put on his tux jacket, and he did look quite handsome. "I was gonna go with 'gorgeous.'"
She was surprised. "Thanks. You, too - in a guy way."
He was staring at her. "Giles is very lucky."
"So is Cordelia. In a girl way." If Xander liked the dress so much, she could only imagine Giles's reaction. She could hardly wait. For a moment she was truly excited about the dance. "I just wish I could dance at the dance, you know?"
Xander walked towards her. "Here." He held out his hands like he wanted to dance with her.
"Thanks. No offense, but it just isn't the same."
There was this look in his eye, all sleepy and driven. He leaned towards her. It took a few moments for her to realize what was going on. His lips almost touched hers, and she turned her head and stepped back. "Xander, what are you doing?"
He seemed to shake himself awake. His eyes widened. "Sorry. God, Will, I'm sorry."
" Now you wanna kiss me? What were you thinking? You know how I feel about Giles. And what about Cordelia?"
"I know. I wasn't thinking. It was a fluke...a clothes fluke. And there'll be no more fluking."
"Darn tootin' there won't." But she was starting to feel bad. He looked so shamefaced.
"You're not gonna tell Giles, are you? I mean, nothing really happened."
Oh boy. That was a really good question.
***
Giles was sitting in his office having a cup of tea and reading the paper when she appeared in the doorway. He smiled. "Good morning, sweetheart." He didn't always get to see her first thing in the morning.
She didn't smile. She came in and closed the door. "Giles, I need to tell you something. It's not that big a deal, but I need you to know about it."
By the end of that little preamble, he was decidedly apprehensive. Clearly it was a matter of some importance if she had come to tell him about it before first period. "Go on."
She set down her backpack and shifted nervously from foot to foot. "Xander came over last night to help me pick out a dress for the dance."
The image of Willow undressing in front of Xander, and the boy pulling her down on the bed, flashed into his mind. "Yes?"
"And he...tried to kiss me."
Giles's first impulse was to find Xander and beat him to a bloody pulp. But there was that word: " Tried? "
"I turned my head. So, no actual kiss. So nothing actually happened, Giles, and he said he was sorry. He said it would never happen again. But I still thought you should know. I don't want to keep secrets from you." She looked so damn contrite, when she'd done nothing wrong. And all at once, he was feeling rather wonderful.
"You didn't want him to kiss you?"
"Of course I didn't."
He smiled. "Come here." He reached for her, and she leaned down to kiss him. "I'm glad you told me. You've made me so happy."
Her eyebrows scrunched downward. "I have?" He pulled her onto his lap and kissed her again. "I thought you might be mad."
"I was."
She giggled. "Wow, you sure get over being mad awfully fast. I thought I might have to talk you out of beating Xander up or something."
"I'd always feared that if Xander ever decided he wanted you, I might lose you. It's wonderful to find out that isn't the case."
She gave him a long, serious kiss. "For someone so smart, sometimes you're a dummy."
"I much prefer that to the alternative."
Just then the bell rang, and Willow leapt off his lap. "I'm late for class!" She grabbed her backpack and turned to go, then faced him again. "Just so you know, Giles, I love you and only you. You're like, imprinted on me. I don't want anybody else." She bent to kiss him, then hurried off.
He drank his lukewarm tea and smiled.
***
Xander still looked pretty dejected at the Homecoming Dance - especially since he'd just asked her if she'd told Giles about the not-kiss, and she'd told him she had. "God, he's gonna kick my ass."
"No, he won't. I think he wanted to for about five seconds, but now everything's fine." Willow bounced a little to Oz's band and scanned the crowd for Giles. She wished he'd hurry up and get here so he could see her in her dress. And where were Buffy and Cordelia? The rest of them had planned the limo switcheroo so those two could patch things up. Willow figured Xander might feel better when Cordy arrived. Then again, maybe he wouldn't, since he hadn't told Cordy about the not-kiss and was feeling all guilty.
Finally, here was Giles. It knocked the breath right out of her, seeing him in his suit.
"Hi, Giles," Xander said shakily.
"Xander." Giles grinned at him, and Xander did a double-take.
Then Giles got a good look at her, and he didn't stop looking. "Willow, you look so beautiful." He always said that, of course, but the tone was different. He'd never seen her in such an elegant outfit.
"And you," she said, "you look..." She couldn't come up with adjectives good enough for how good he looked.
They stared at each other, even though they knew they shouldn't - not here, in front of everybody. Willow couldn't understand why everyone at the dance didn't see what was between them.
"I think I'll retreat to the library until the coronation," Giles said.
"I think I'll retreat, too," she said.
They were making out passionately in his office, and might well have forgotten all about the coronation, when the door burst open. Willow was expecting maybe Principal Snyder, ready to fire Giles and expel her - but no, it was two vampires. One of them wore a cowboy hat and looked vaguely familiar.
"Aw, look, Lyle, they're in love! Just like us," the lady vamp said. She was dressed kinda trashy, with pink feathers.
"Warms the heart, don't it, Candy," Lyle said. "Although, ain't that gal a little young for you, Mister?"
Willow bridled. "Hey! Who are you to talk about old?"
Giles got in front of her, and Willow scrabbled around on the desk behind them for crosses, holy water, anything. "What do you want?" Giles demanded.
"We want Buffy!" Candy drawled. "We're gonna win Slayerfest!"
"Slayerfest?" Giles asked.
"Yeah, it's gonna be great!" Lyle said.
Willow slipped Giles a cross, and he advanced on them, brandishing it. Lyle tried to knock it out of Giles's hand, but Willow threw some holy water, and the vamps ran - right into the path of Buffy and Cordelia. They, and their fancy dresses, looked a little the worse for wear.
By the time Buffy staked Candy with a spatula and Lyle ran off, and they'd gotten rid of the other Slayerfest assassins, it was almost time for the coronation. "By the way, Giles," Buffy said, "I left you a phone message when me and Cordy were in the cabin. Didn't you get it?"
Giles looked sheepish. "Sorry. I was...otherwise occupied."
"Sorry," Willow said. She reached up and wiped some lipstick from his mouth.
"Yeah, yeah," Cordelia said. "Big surprise."
***